Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
