Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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