I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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