Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
please come you make the beer taste better
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Randomize
