the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
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A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
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You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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