I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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