Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
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I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
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We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
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