Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
