don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Randomize
