Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
