i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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