walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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