Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
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