drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
