look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
