i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
he shaved USA in his pubs
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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