i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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