well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
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