what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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