Tell her she can't have a vagina
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
