so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
