i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
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