Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Randomize
