I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
