Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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