Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
