Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
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