so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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