life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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