You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Randomize
