I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Randomize
