were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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