She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
