i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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