Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
