and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
