So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
