quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
