there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Randomize
