I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Green mimosas i think yes
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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