This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Randomize
