do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
