alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
