Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
We need a shit load of segways right now
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
