I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
