Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
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