tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I love how my cats smell like pot.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
