She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
