TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
whose parrot is this?
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
