So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Im part way to drunk.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
