I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
