hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
