I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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