Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
