Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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