so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
