the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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