Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
