you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Randomize
