my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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