Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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