Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Randomize
