Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Holy shit dude........stairs
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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