Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
