I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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