I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
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