I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Randomize
