Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
