Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
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