Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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